Plan For Future:
Teacher asks children, what do u wish 2 do in future?
Ahmed : I want 2 b a pilot.
James : I want 2 b a doctor.
Swati: I want 2 b a good mother.
Asif : I want 2 help Swati . _____________________________________________________
Exams: Exams are like GIRL FRIENDS;
1,Too Many Questions.
2,Difficult to Understand.
3,More Explanation is Needed.
4,Result is always FAIL! _____________________________________________________
Delivered:
Sardar sent a SMS to his pregnant wife.
Two seconds later a report came to his phone and he started dancing.
The report said, "DELIVERED". _____________________________________________________
Sardar enters shop & shouts, "Where's my free gift with this oil?"
Shopkeeper: "ISke Saath koi gift nahin hai bhaisaab"
Sard : "Oye ispe likha hai CHOLESTROL FREE!!" ______________________________________________________
ONE FINE DAY A GIRL PROPOSED TO A SARDAR AND SARDAR DENIED SIMPLY SAYING THAT IN OUR FAMILY, WE MARRY ONLY OUR RELATIVES.. MY MOM MARRIED MY DAD, MY BROTHER MARRIED MY BHABHI, MY UNCLE MARRIED MY AUNT AND SO ON. SO PLEASE EXCUSE ME !!!!! ______________________________________________________
Sardars went into a pub and after ordering two beers took some sandwiches out of their pockets and started to eat them. "You can't eat your own sandwiches in here," complained the pub-owner. So the two sardars swapped (exchanged) their sandwiches. ______________________________________________________
A sardar was very fond of sensational and detective novels, but he always started reading from the middle. A friend of his asked why he did so?" It'z doubly interesting", said the Sardar. "TO start from the middle keeps one curious not only about its conclusion but also about its beginning.
______________________________________________________
Once a Sardarji was going to his office. On the way he slipped on a banana peel and was badly hurt. Next day , on his way to the office, he noticed a banana peel and Later after two days, he noticed two banana peels and exclaimed" ari sala, aaj to choice hai"!!!!!! _________________________________________________________
A Sardar, his wife with son and daugher went to a party he introduced his family to his friends saying.." I am Sardar.. and this is Sardarnee ....this is my kid and that is my kidney...!!" _________________________________________________________
American says " In America, marriages can happen with Emails...." Sardarji "In India, marriages happen with fe-mails...!!!" _________________________________________________________
Q. What do you call a fat lady waiting for a bus? A. Moti-vating..!!! _________________________________________________________
Nurse - "Congrats.. Sardarji...You have become a Father...." Sardarji - " Don't tell my wife yet.... I want to surprise her..!" _________________________________________________________
Dr Chopra psychotherapist wanted 'Sign board' to be pained in front of his clinic but our Sardar painter painted "Dr Chorpa Psycho The Rapist" ________________________________________________________
What is the difference between WATCH & WIFE .......... Ek bigadti hai to bandh ho jati hai...... Doosari bigadati hai to "SHUROO' ho jati hai ________________________________________________________
Sardar to son: Idiot! What matchbox did u purchase? Not even one match is burning.
Beta : How is it possible? I tested each one b4 buying... ________________________________________________________
Man runs home yelling "Pack your bags honey. I just won the 10 Million lotto.
Wife : Do I pack for the beach or mountains ?
Man : Who cares ? Just pack and get lost ! ________________________________________________________
Doctor to Sardaar : App ka aur aapki biwi ka blood group ek hi hai?
Sardaar : Hoga, Jarur hoga; 25 saal se mera khoon jo pee rahi hai.... ________________________________________________________
Koun si devi ka kounsa prasad India mein famous hai Rabridevi ka laloo prasad ________________________________________________________
A two seater plane crashed in a graveyard in Punjab today....... Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still.....digging for more. ________________________________________________________
Sardar found answer to most difficult question question ever
What comes first - the chicken or the egg ?
Oye yaar, jiska order pahele dooge, wo ayega !!
Monday, March 30, 2009
Dilbert's One Liners
Here are some nice Dilbert's one liners..:
1. I say no to alcohol, it just doesn't listen.
2. A friend in need is a pest indeed.
3. Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce. ** This is the best one.
4. Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time.
5. When everything comes in your way you're in the wrong lane.
6. The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train.
7. Born free, taxed to death.
8. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
9. Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.
10. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
11. If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.
12. It's not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.
13. I love being a writer... what I can't stand is the paperwork.
14. A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light. 15. The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.
16. The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.
17. In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?
18. If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?
19. Beat the 5 O'clock rush, leave work at noon!
20. If you can't convince them, confuse them.
21. It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.
22. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
23. Hot glass looks same as cold glass. - Cunino's Law of Burnt Fingers
24. The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.
25. Someday is not a day of the week
26. Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
27. To Err is human, to forgive is not a Company policy.
28. The road to success.... Is always under construction.
29. Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.
30. In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it. …….and here's the best of the lot.
31. All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive, fattening or in love with someone else.
1. I say no to alcohol, it just doesn't listen.
2. A friend in need is a pest indeed.
3. Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce. ** This is the best one.
4. Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time.
5. When everything comes in your way you're in the wrong lane.
6. The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train.
7. Born free, taxed to death.
8. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
9. Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.
10. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
11. If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.
12. It's not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.
13. I love being a writer... what I can't stand is the paperwork.
14. A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light. 15. The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.
16. The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.
17. In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?
18. If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?
19. Beat the 5 O'clock rush, leave work at noon!
20. If you can't convince them, confuse them.
21. It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.
22. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
23. Hot glass looks same as cold glass. - Cunino's Law of Burnt Fingers
24. The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.
25. Someday is not a day of the week
26. Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
27. To Err is human, to forgive is not a Company policy.
28. The road to success.... Is always under construction.
29. Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.
30. In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it. …….and here's the best of the lot.
31. All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive, fattening or in love with someone else.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Friday, March 13, 2009
Shittttttttttt
Manure... An interesting fact
Manure: In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything had to be transported by ship and it was also before commercial fertilizer's invention, so large shipments of manure were common.It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, it not only became heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a by product is methane gas. As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could (and did) happen. Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM!
Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening.After that , the bundles of manure were always stamped with the term 'Ship High In Transit' on them, which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane.
Thus evolved the term ' S.H.I.T ' , (Ship High In Transport) which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day.
You probably did not know the true history of this word.
Neither did I.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Superb Advertising - Part 6
FIRST
Fashion Claims more Victims than you think
Save the Animals
CCA-Unicef Special Mention
Gender in Education
Special Mention
Fashion Claims more Victims than you think
Save the Animals
CCA-Unicef Special MentionGender in Education
Special MentionAgainst Corruption
Special Mention
Special MentionRoad Safety
Special Mention
Special Mention
Special Mention
Nature is incomplete without Female Gender. Save The girl child
Special Mention
Help Street Children
Special Mention
Special Mention
Save Trees
Road Safety
Road Safety
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Euthanasia
Last night my mom and I were sitting in the living room chatting about things and......life... and... then, we talked about living and dying.
I said to her: ' Mom, If ever I end up in a vegetative state when you are alive, please never let me go on like that.....totally dependent on machines and liquids from a bottle. If you see me in that state I want you to disconnect all the contraptions that are keeping me alive. I'd much rather die'.
Up went my mom from the sofa, with this real look of admiration towards me...and proceeded to disconnect the TV, the Cable, the Dish, the DVD, the Computer, the Cell Phone, the Ipod, and the Xbox, and then went to the fridge and threw away all my beer!!
....I ALMOST DIED!!
I said to her: ' Mom, If ever I end up in a vegetative state when you are alive, please never let me go on like that.....totally dependent on machines and liquids from a bottle. If you see me in that state I want you to disconnect all the contraptions that are keeping me alive. I'd much rather die'.
Up went my mom from the sofa, with this real look of admiration towards me...and proceeded to disconnect the TV, the Cable, the Dish, the DVD, the Computer, the Cell Phone, the Ipod, and the Xbox, and then went to the fridge and threw away all my beer!!
....I ALMOST DIED!!
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