Employment Policy

Please be advised that there are NEW rules and regulations implemented to raise the efficiency of our firm.

Transportation:

キ It is advised that you come to work driving a car according to
your salary.

キ If we see you driving a Honda, we assume you are doing well
financially and therefore you do not need a raise.

キ If you drive a 10 year old car or taking public transportation, we
assume you must have lots of savings therefore you do not need a raise.

キ If you drive a Pickup, you are right where you need to be and
therefore you do not need a raise.

Annual Leave:

Each employee will receive 52 Annual Leave days a year (Wooow!). They are
called Sunday.

LUNCH BREAK:

キ Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so
that they can look healthy.

キ Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal
to maintain their average figure.

キ Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.

SICK DAYS:

We will no longer accept a doctor Medical Cert as proof of sickness. If
you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

TOILET USE:

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilets.

キ There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the cubicles. At the
end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will
retract, the door will open.

Internet Usage

All personal internet usage will be recorded and charges will be deducted
from your bonus (if any) and if we decide not to give you any, charges will
be deducted from your salary. (note: Rs.20 per minute as we have 4MB
connection).

Just for the record. 73% of the staff will not be entitled to any salary
for the next 3 months as their internet charges have exceeded their 3
months salary.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a
positive employment experience.

Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations,
irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations,
contemplation, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

Have a nice day.

FeviQuick Glue

THE WEDDING NIGHT

Fred and Mary get married but couldn't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's Mom and Dad's house for their first night together.
In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.
She replies, 'No'.
Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think!
Just go to school.'
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, 'Are Fred and Mary up yet?'
She replies, 'No.'
Johnny says, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'Never mind what you think!
Eat your lunch and go back to school .'
After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, 'Are Fred and Mary up yet?'
His mom says, 'No.'
He asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'Ok, now tell me what you think?'
He says: 'Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think...

I gave him my Feviquick glue.!!!