FeviQuick Glue

THE WEDDING NIGHT

Fred and Mary get married but couldn't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's Mom and Dad's house for their first night together.
In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.
She replies, 'No'.
Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think!
Just go to school.'
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, 'Are Fred and Mary up yet?'
She replies, 'No.'
Johnny says, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'Never mind what you think!
Eat your lunch and go back to school .'
After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, 'Are Fred and Mary up yet?'
His mom says, 'No.'
He asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'Ok, now tell me what you think?'
He says: 'Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think...

I gave him my Feviquick glue.!!!

Fire Alarm

Recession Blues :-)

How to find the gender of a fly?

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter
'What are you doing?' ! She asked.
'Hunting Flies' He responded.
'Oh. ! Killing any?' She asked.
'Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,' he replied.

Intrigued, she asked. 'How can you tell them apart?'


He responded, '3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone

Funny

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is an

American.

She asks her students to raise their hands if they were American

too.

Not really knowing why but wanting to be like their teacher, their

hands

explode into the air like flashy fireworks.

There is, however, one exception.

A girl named Gita has not gone along with the crowd.

The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.

"Because I am not an American." replied Gita.

"Then", asks the teacher, "What are you?"

"I'm a proud Indian," boasts the little girl.

The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She

asks Gita

why she is an Indian.

"Well", my mom and dad are Indians, "so I'm an Indian too."

The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason", she says loudly "if

your mom

was an idiot, and your dad was an idiot, what would you be then?"

A pause, and a smile.

"Then" says Gita, "I'd be an American."

Just for Laughs - Baniya Jokes

Sardaron par bahut jokes suney hai, here are some Baniya Jokes….

Baniya: Yeh kela(banana) kaisay diya?
Shopkeeper: 1Rs.
Baniya: 60 Paisa ka deta hai?
S.K: 60 paise mein to sirf chilka milega.
Baniya:Ley 40 paisay, chilka rakh aur kela day de

Baniya on his death time.
My wife, where r u ?
Wife:Yes, I’m here
My sons daughters ru all here?
Yes, Papa
Baniya:To phir barabar wale kamre
ka pankha Q khula hay ???

Baniya 14th floor se neche gira
Girte waqt usne
apni ghar ki khidki me
apni wife ko roti pakate hue dekha
to chilla k bola
MERI ROTI NAHI PAKANA!

Baniya ne jat ko khoon de k uski jaan bachai.
jat ne use MERCEDEZ gift kardi.
jat ko phir khoon ki zarurat padi,
Baniya ne phir khoon dia.
Ab k bar jat ne till waly laddu gift kiye,
Baniya:Ghusse se, mercedez kyon nahi di?
jat: Munna…!! Ab hamarey ander bhi baniye ka khoon daud raha hay:)

Baniya called a newspaper office and asked: Mera Chacha Mar gaya hai,
kya charges hongay?
NewsPaper: Rs.50 per word.
Baniya: Oh bohat ziyada hain, Acha likho "Chacha Guzar Gaye".
Newspaper: Sir! It should be minimum 6 words!
Baniya: Oh ho! Jara sochnay do..... Acha likho................ .
Chacha Guzar Gaye - Maruti for Sale .

Baniya ask to Taxi Driver: CP wale gurudware jayega kya?
Taxi Driver: Han jaunga.
Baniya ne jaib se lunchbox nikala or kaha:
Wapsi main langar ka khana lete aana.

Baniya ko bhoot chadh gaya ,
3 din baad bhoot khud ek ojha k paas gaya aur bola,
Ojha sahab mujhe bahar Nikalo..! Warna me to bhookha hi mar jaunga

Titanic K Sath Baniya Bhi Doob Raha Tha
Aur Hans Bhi Raha Tha
Dost: Oye Hans Kyun Raha Hai?
Baniya: Shukar Hai Main Ne Return Ticket Nahi Khareeda

Indian Laughter Therapy

Plan For Future:
Teacher asks children, what do u wish 2 do in future?
Ahmed : I want 2 b a pilot.
James : I want 2 b a doctor.
Swati: I want 2 b a good mother.
Asif : I want 2 help Swati . _____________________________________________________
Exams: Exams are like GIRL FRIENDS;
1,Too Many Questions.
2,Difficult to Understand.
3,More Explanation is Needed.
4,Result is always FAIL! _____________________________________________________
Delivered:
Sardar sent a SMS to his pregnant wife.
Two seconds later a report came to his phone and he started dancing.
The report said, "DELIVERED". _____________________________________________________
Sardar enters shop & shouts, "Where's my free gift with this oil?"
Shopkeeper: "ISke Saath koi gift nahin hai bhaisaab"
Sard : "Oye ispe likha hai CHOLESTROL FREE!!" ______________________________________________________
ONE FINE DAY A GIRL PROPOSED TO A SARDAR AND SARDAR DENIED SIMPLY SAYING THAT IN OUR FAMILY, WE MARRY ONLY OUR RELATIVES.. MY MOM MARRIED MY DAD, MY BROTHER MARRIED MY BHABHI, MY UNCLE MARRIED MY AUNT AND SO ON. SO PLEASE EXCUSE ME !!!!! ______________________________________________________
Sardars went into a pub and after ordering two beers took some sandwiches out of their pockets and started to eat them. "You can't eat your own sandwiches in here," complained the pub-owner. So the two sardars swapped (exchanged) their sandwiches. ______________________________________________________
A sardar was very fond of sensational and detective novels, but he always started reading from the middle. A friend of his asked why he did so?" It'z doubly interesting", said the Sardar. "TO start from the middle keeps one curious not only about its conclusion but also about its beginning.
______________________________________________________
Once a Sardarji was going to his office. On the way he slipped on a banana peel and was badly hurt. Next day , on his way to the office, he noticed a banana peel and Later after two days, he noticed two banana peels and exclaimed" ari sala, aaj to choice hai"!!!!!! _________________________________________________________
A Sardar, his wife with son and daugher went to a party he introduced his family to his friends saying.." I am Sardar.. and this is Sardarnee ....this is my kid and that is my kidney...!!" _________________________________________________________
American says " In America, marriages can happen with Emails...." Sardarji "In India, marriages happen with fe-mails...!!!" _________________________________________________________
Q. What do you call a fat lady waiting for a bus? A. Moti-vating..!!! _________________________________________________________
Nurse - "Congrats.. Sardarji...You have become a Father...." Sardarji - " Don't tell my wife yet.... I want to surprise her..!" _________________________________________________________
Dr Chopra psychotherapist wanted 'Sign board' to be pained in front of his clinic but our Sardar painter painted "Dr Chorpa Psycho The Rapist" ________________________________________________________
What is the difference between WATCH & WIFE .......... Ek bigadti hai to bandh ho jati hai...... Doosari bigadati hai to "SHUROO' ho jati hai ________________________________________________________
Sardar to son: Idiot! What matchbox did u purchase? Not even one match is burning.
Beta : How is it possible? I tested each one b4 buying... ________________________________________________________
Man runs home yelling "Pack your bags honey. I just won the 10 Million lotto.
Wife : Do I pack for the beach or mountains ?
Man : Who cares ? Just pack and get lost ! ________________________________________________________
Doctor to Sardaar : App ka aur aapki biwi ka blood group ek hi hai?
Sardaar : Hoga, Jarur hoga; 25 saal se mera khoon jo pee rahi hai.... ________________________________________________________
Koun si devi ka kounsa prasad India mein famous hai Rabridevi ka laloo prasad ________________________________________________________
A two seater plane crashed in a graveyard in Punjab today....... Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still.....digging for more. ________________________________________________________
Sardar found answer to most difficult question question ever
What comes first - the chicken or the egg ?
Oye yaar, jiska order pahele dooge, wo ayega !!

Always Check your Child's Homework

Here’s what Mommy wrote to teacher ….

Dear Mrs Jones,

I wish to clarify that I am not now, nor have I ever been, an exotic dancer. I work at Home Depot and I told my daughter how hectic it was last week before the blizzard hit. I told her we sold out every single shovel we had, and then I found one more in the back room, and that several people were fighting over who would get it. Her picture doesn't show me dancing around a pole. It's supposed to depict me selling the last snow shovel we had at Home Depot. From now on I will remember to check her homework more thoroughly before she turns it in.

Sincerely, Mrs. Linda Smith